just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
