I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
