I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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