i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
