First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm bleeding and have questions
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
