Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
