Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
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I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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