new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
