Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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