He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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