If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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