the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
