Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
