so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize