My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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