i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
