Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
