Im at strip club and am horny
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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