I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize