He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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