Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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