I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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