Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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