so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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