Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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