Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
