i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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