Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
