I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i need some magic done to my vagina
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
