You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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