Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
