Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we're so committed to being not committed
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