I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
