I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
