I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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