I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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