no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
