The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
