i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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