2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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