You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize