She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
