Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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