This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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