I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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