i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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