i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
