eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
