Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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