i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
