I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
