you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
