Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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