At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
