I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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