What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I FOUND THE LEGS
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
