i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
