it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
