I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
