Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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