Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
