sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
