I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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