We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
