Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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