as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize