im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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