apparently the secret to your success is patron
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
