if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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